


your life was my life's best part

by zach_stone



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angus and Magnus bonding time, Canon Compliant (I think???), Grief/Mourning, I have a Lot of Feelings about Magnus Burnsides, Past Character Death, Post-Crystal Kingdom arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-24 14:18:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8375443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zach_stone/pseuds/zach_stone
Summary: He couldn’t quite decide which option hurt more — forcing himself not to think about his wife; or letting the pain in for just a moment, when it threatened to consume him. 
--
Post-Crystal Kingdom ficlet, but contains spoilers up to the end of The Eleventh Hour arc. The tags pretty much say it all. (Why am I a sucker for angst in every fandom I step foot in? We may never know.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> oh boy ok so this is my first time writing for this fandom!!! and of course it's something sad bc magnus gives me a lot of emotions, and i love lil ango so much i wanna explode, so this was a good combo. i'm like 90% sure this is canon-compliant because i just relistened to crystal kingdom recently, but if there are any discrepancies w/ canon pls just forgive me and ignore them xoxo 
> 
> ps: angus and magnus have too similar of names and writing this was A Struggle lemme tell u what
> 
> title from "you" by keaton henson

It happened after the Millers’ lab, after they’d left Lucas to his loneliness and returned to the lunar base. They were all very tired, and seeing as he’d been turned into a human corkscrew, no one was surprised when Magnus departed rather quickly to bed. 

The thing is, he didn’t sleep. Instead, he dug around in his personal items until he found a small, black velvet bag. Inside was a simple gold band — his wedding ring. It felt delicate in his big, clumsy fingers, and he smoothed his thumb over the curve of it, his breath coming funny to his lungs. Lucas’s face was burned into his brain, tear-streaked cheeks and singed clothes as he demanded, “If you lost someone important to you, what wouldn’t you do to get them back?” 

And god, it had felt like a hot knife wrenched into his chest. He’d wanted to shake Lucas, hard, and demand, “What the hell do you know about loss?” Maureen knew she was getting herself into something dangerous. But Julia — Julia had no idea that day would be her last, no idea that her home was about to be knocked from under her feet. 

But that wasn’t fair, and he knew it. Lucas had lost his mother, and now he had no one, nothing; he had to pretend to be dead or risk the Bureau coming for his ass again. That kind of isolation was devastating. Magnus knew a thing or two about that, too.

He slipped the wedding ring onto his finger for the first time since he’d met Taako and Merle and gotten mixed up in all this Bureau of Balance shit. The feel of it was still familiar, and he saw Julia’s face in his mind’s eye, her smile on their wedding day when she’d put the ring on his finger and vowed to love him forever. The most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. 

He choked on a sudden rush of tears and pressed his fists against his eyes. He was exhausted, he realized; a bone-deep weariness crashed over him and he flopped backwards, falling into a dreamless sleep. 

After that, he wore the ring. Not all the time, certainly not when he was around Merle or Taako; but when he found himself alone, he would slide the band onto his finger and feel the comforting chill of the metal against his skin. He couldn’t quite decide which option hurt more — forcing himself not to think about his wife; or letting the pain in for just a moment, when it threatened to consume him. 

Not too long after they’d recovered the philosopher’s stone, roughly two weeks after Magnus had started occasionally wearing his wedding ring again, he came into his room to find a tiny note placed in the center of his pillow. Furrowing his brow in confusion, he picked it up and unfolded it. Whoever had folded it had done so about a zillion times, and it took a good minute before he could actually read the damn thing. 

_ Magnus — _

_ Please meet me in the library at 3 o’clock. Come alone.  _

_ —A.  _

Magnus didn’t recognize the handwriting. He wondered if maybe he should tell someone about this, Taako or Merle or maybe even the Director. Something told him it wasn’t any extreme danger, though. Mystery Person wanted to meet him in the  _ library _ , for crying out loud. Not exactly the most threatening of locations. 

When he entered the Bureau library at three that afternoon, it was mostly empty. A few people were looking over spellbooks or stacks of old newspapers, and one of the librarians gave him a surprised smile when he entered. He wasn’t sure who he was supposed to be looking for, but he didn’t have to wonder for long. Sitting at a table at the far corner of the library, waving frantically to get his attention, was Angus McDonald. 

“Hey, Ango, what’s up?” Magnus said, approaching the little table and staring down at the boy. 

“Um, hello sir,” Angus said. He looked a little nervous, and he kept fidgeting with his hands. “You got my note?” 

“Yeah, I did,” Magnus said. “What’s with the weird cryptic shit?” 

“Oh, haha, I just wanted this to be, um, private.” Angus had a stack of papers on the table in front of him, and Magnus glanced down at them. The one on top looked like a record of some kind, lists of names with small photos next to each one. His eyes glazed over, not really processing the words or images as he scanned, but then one face, one name, drew him up short. He inhaled sharply, staring at the little square picture of the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. 

“Angus,” he said carefully, his voice surprisingly steady. “What is this.” 

“Um, well sir, a few weeks ago when you were in the Millers’ lab?” Angus began hesitantly. “Well, we could hear you on your stones of far speech, here at the Bureau.”

“Yeah, I know,” Magnus snapped. “What does that have to do with —”

“You told Kravitz to tell Julia you said hello,” Angus pressed on, his voice growing a bit more determined. “And — and I wanted to know who that was, so I started doing some detective work! And I found this, this record of people who died at Raven’s Roost, when it was attacked.” He pointed to Julia’s picture. “That’s your wife, isn’t it?”

Magnus took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Angus,” he said again. “My past isn’t some mystery for you to uncover, alright, this is extremely personal and I really don’t want to talk about it.” 

“Oh,” Angus said, his face falling. “I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t mean to upset you. I just noticed, well, you’ve been wearing your wedding ring sometimes.” He pushed the first paper aside, and revealed an old newspaper. One of the articles was titled “Weddings & Celebrations.” Magnus recognized this paper, and he recognized the photo underneath the caption. It was a local paper from Raven’s Roost, and the picture was of him and Julia, standing at the gazebo he’d built for their wedding. Her arm was locked around his waist, pressed close to his side, and they both looked so happy. Magnus felt his legs shake, and he dropped into the seat next to Angus, pulling the paper closer to himself and staring hungrily at the photo of the happiest day of his life like he couldn’t get enough.

Angus was watching him, and when Magnus finally tore his gaze away, he saw that the boy had an expression of sad understanding. “I’m very sorry you lost your wife, Magnus.” 

“Yeah, me too.” Magnus sighed heavily, running a hand across his face. “Listen, Angus… please don’t tell anyone else about this, okay? Especially not the other guys. I’m not ready for them to know yet.” 

“Oh, of course, sir!” Angus said earnestly. “I’m used to keeping secrets.”

“Oh yeah?” Magnus said, raising an eyebrow. “Does that mean you’ve got dirt on Merle and Taako, too?”

Angus looked away conspicuously. “Well,” he said, and didn’t finish.

Magnus smiled at that, smacking a hand on the table. “You totally do! Man, what do I have to do to get you to spill?” 

“I think we should talk about Julia,” Angus said, and Magnus’s smile slipped right off his face. 

“Ango, I  _ just  _ said I didn’t want…” 

“You know, I don’t really have any family either,” Angus said. “My grandfather died, and I can’t see my parents anymore now that I joined the Bureau. I don’t know what it feels like to lose your wife, but…” he shrugged slightly, and Magnus thought he looked momentarily much older than ten. “I know what it’s like to be lonely, I guess.”

“Jesus, kid,” Magnus said. “Yeah, okay. Maybe it would be good to talk about her.” He settled into the chair, looking back down at the photo from his wedding day. “It’s been a long time.”

“Do you think I would’ve liked her?” Angus asked, leaning forward with a bright, interested expression. 

Magnus smiled despite himself, imagining Julia playfully teasing Angus, how fond she would have been of the young detective. “Yeah, I think you would’ve. She was pretty incredible.”

“She’s very beautiful, sir,” Angus said. The words made Magnus’s heart clench, but he nodded. 

“She was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he said. And then, in a hushed voice, in the corner of the library, Magnus talked about Julia and finally, just for a moment, let himself feel. 

**Author's Note:**

> this podcast means a lot to me and i dont have any friends who are into it so!!! pls feel free to scream about it w/ me on twitter or tumblr!!! @queensuperjelly and joshuawashinton, respectively.


End file.
